OK, so I have been beating myself up a lot lately about this blog. I was stressing about not having the time to do it, but then I kept filling my dance card with even more things, which just pushed this even further down the list of things for me to get done.
Then, when school was about to start, I allowed my youngest to choose to home school this year. In all honesty, I hate public school. Deep down I feel like I hate the institution of school, but I don’t really have anything to base this assumption on. I loved school as a kid and was a constant over-achiever. Anyhow, I was relieved that I would at least have one less person for which I would have to battle with the school system about. But again, this is yet one more thing that vies for my time. I heard a term that totally fits – time poverty. I feel very 3rd world when it comes to having time available for anything.
But on the plus side, I finally did get a new camera lens. I did all sorts of research and after taking cues from several respected food bloggers and cookbook authors, I came up with “the one.” I waited and saved for months to go and make my purchase. When I finally had cash in hand, I beelined for the camera store and bought the lens of my dreams. Then… I discovered that it was not versatile. I suppose if all I did was photograph food I would be set. But I don’t. I realized quickly that I can’t take decent photos of my kids, the dogs, the garden, etc. Anyway, I didn’t have the guts to admit this until now, but I kinda wish I had just replaced the original lens and called it a day.
So… now that my excuse for not taking any photos went away, I still wasn’t feeling it. I just couldn’t bring myself to blog about anything. All those months of sitting around “without my camera” gave me some time to think. When I started this blog, I was delusional enough to think that maybe I would be one of the lucky few who managed to turn my blog into a money-generating venture that might allow me to do nothing other than blog for a living – all while supporting my family (please note the singing birds in the background). I had visions of a beautiful blog that was a creative reflection of me, and this never really was. I never really had the time to figure it all out and make it lovely. Overall, I kind of saw this blog as a collage of me – cooking, family, gardening, humor, etc. But then I found myself in the running for MasterChef, Season 2 and I tried to turn the whole thing into a food-only blog, so that I could find some sort of focus to what I was doing at the time, rather than the hodgepodge that I had been creating before. Then MasterChef didn’t pan out, but I was still trying to “stay focused,” thinking maybe that was the secret to blogging success. Any time I tried to inject the site with a little more of “me” – my twisted sense of humor, complaints about life, whatever, I got the lecture on “You know that things on the web are permanent, don’t you?”, and I felt a little less willing to put anything interesting out there. So I tried to stick with food.
And then I spent a lot of time, like everyone else food blogging apparently, chasing foodie trends. While I like seeing what is new and trendy in cooking, I started to feel that I couldn’t possibly come up with something that would be interesting. What is there to do that isn’t already being done? Especially by a home cook, who doesn’t use an immersion circulator, or other modernist cuisine techniques? What could possibly be interesting about cider donuts or butter-basted steak, made by me? I got so tired of making something and then seeing dozens of similar posts on Pinterest that we all doing the same thing. I think the internet makes the 100th monkey theory so much more obvious – an idea is only original until it hits critical mass and then it is common. So needless to say, I give up. I just can’t find anything that I think the public would care to hear about that isn’t being done by what feels like millions of others already. I am finally like those people we all know on Facebook: nobody really needs to hear constant updates on my daily activities. Or better yet, like Foodspotting where I constantly post low-quality photos of food I have been eating. Nobody needs that!
Anyway… Maybe I will keep this blog as a place to throw up random thoughts, despite the fact that everything on the blog is permanent. In the end, this blog doesn’t feel the way I want it to, so I will just have to wait and see. In the meantime, kiss my fuzzy little butt (please see wonderful photo taken with new lens above)!