I’m tired. Really, really tired.

If you have been following my blog, you know that I started a new job about a month ago. Back in the day, when I was either Super-woman or seriously jacked on caffeine, I was able to manage a family and a job easily. Or at least I thought it was easy. Now, however, it all seems very, very hard.

Last fall I also had the genius idea that the answer to our schooling issue this year was to keep our middle child home, where I would lovingly teach him myself. While this theory was very romantic, the reality of it was less so. It was tiring and often trying, when my normally agreeable child showed me that he was anything but.

I also started this blog, nearly 2 years ago. I spent a lot of time cooking, shopping for cooking and thinking and planning for cooking. Then there was the photography, editing and blog writing. Not to mention eating. It is no mystery why I have become a chunky monkey.

When these 3 aspects of my life came crashing together recently, I found myself in a tailspin. I literally am losing my hair. I am tired. I am back to craving caffeine like a fiend. I now honestly don’t have time to work out, whereas before it was just a lame excuse.

So when I got a copy of Miette’s cookbook from the library, I was so pleased. I haven’t really had time to experiment in the kitchen since my job started. I was also craving chocolate, which is the only thing besides Chinese food that I crave when I am in an emotional state. The cover cake had my name all over it. It is a dark, double chocolate cake with a pink raspberry buttercream. I was so very looking forward to this cake. Because I actually had time to cook, I was like a Tasmanian Devil in the kitchen. I had been prepping vinaigrettes, slow roasting ribs, marinating steaks, cleaning veggies, etc. It was a crazy mess, but I was so happy. I was going to eat a great meal and finish it all off with a piece of heaven. It was going to be a good day.

But as the day progressed, I was feeling worn out. A common feeling these days. But that was OK. I was in the homestretch. All the hard part was done. It was just time to eat and then put my cake together for dessert. Only… it didn’t go that way at all. After cooling the cakes, they wouldn’t come out of the pans. I had liberally buttered and sugared them. They should have come out. But they wouldn’t. And my buttercream was so pale that it barely looked pink at all. Maybe they used coloring for the photo shoot. It is so hard to tell these days. My husband is always saying to me, like I am the last one to get the joke, “It’s CGI.”

So after feeling really crappy about it for a moment, I decided “To hell with it! I am going to make this work and eat it and enjoy myself!” I put my anemic frosting on top of the cake. I scraped the bits out of the bottom of the pan and sprinkled them on top. I drizzled the remaining fruit syrup over the lot and ate it. And it was good.

And then I went to bed. I am a tired girl.

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10 thoughts on “I’m tired. Really, really tired.

  1. Hiya! awesome blog! I happen to be a every day visitor to your website (somewhat much more like addict ) of this web site. Just wanted to say I appreciate your blogs and am searching forward for much more to come! 610636

  2. just wanted to respond with compassion and a note that i chuckled when i read your post. there is so much to do these days. and then on top of that, we want to blog. what were we thinking. remember, cooking and blogging is the outlet to give us energy and passion that fuels all of our other endeavors. keep trucking!

  3. Just remember it won’t always be like this. Your children eventually grow up and then your left with a lot of time! And guess what? You”ll be tired for a different reason. You’re old! Seriously, it won’t always be so much work. Hang in there. You’ve had a tough year, but you are one of the strongest women I know and you’ll survive this. You can scale back a little too. Just saying!

  4. I had a mini meltdown this morning over a similar issue – I’m tired, I don’t have time to work out, my laundry is backing up, I made some mistakes at work, I made some mistakes at home….*wahhh wahhhh* We should call each other to encourage each other… oh wait, we tried that and are both “too busy and tired” to find time to make the phone call! 🙂

  5. Oh Missy your heart is so in the right place that I’m sorry your cake didn’t turn out as you had hoped but love that you made the best of it! Your plated piece with the syrup drizzle looks amazing and if you didn’t compare it to the cover photo we would think you were a pro. My only guess on why it stuck, too long cooling in the pan. You could try putting parchment paper in the bottom too as added insurance. Love your posts, hope you get some rest and cut your self some slack with you next slice of cake. XOX

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